I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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