Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Someone came in the potted fern
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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