do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
