Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
