This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
