I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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