Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
