I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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