i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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