2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
