I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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