I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
