In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
