i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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