He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
