what day is it and did you see me today?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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