Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
