Yo dont text me then not text me
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We named our party play list daddy issues
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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