think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
