You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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