So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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