I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize