I'm lost and stupid without you.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
