in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
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