I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize