So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
sarcasm needs its own font
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
