hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
