if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
