I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
