i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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