i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
