your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
