Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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