I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it hurts more in the daytime
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
