i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
