I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
