just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
