Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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