I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
