we have pet lesbian snakes
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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