Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
