So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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