I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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