Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
