I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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