i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
