Just took my morning after pill in the library
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
