At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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