Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
