Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
my shit smells like andre
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
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