sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Everyone says I win the strip club
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
