i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
