He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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