i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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