I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize