Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
