your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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