I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize