More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
