If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
