I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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