I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
