My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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