You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
