So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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