I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How does one acquire holy water?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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