I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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