I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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