You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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