Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
