Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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