come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
